So this summer has been...hmm let me think...eventful.
met some beautiful people and had fun.
broken heart bust still willing to try.
miserable but trying to move on.
I have no regrets, even though I tripped and fell
I stood up and faced the world
I now understand how to love
let go and walk away
To C.S. I had fun and learned so many things along the way
it was tough but i want to thank you for everything that you taught me
I know now that you were not ready or we were not ready for it
Im still healing and trying to cope with life and I'm satisfied with that right now
It may not be the most pleasant situation but I'm good
Sometimes there are days that i think its impossible
to live life
but I deserve it back
not the way it was before but get my life back with a new outlook on life
its not the end of end and that alone makes me smile
Life has been good to me
To all the people that supported me through it without knowing the whole story
I'm deeply touched by your sincerity and care
Its not easy to find people who can lend an ear or even carry some of your burden but these people did more than it requires them to do.
You guys took the time to understand and not to pass judgment.
These are the people who makes taking a chance much easier.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
A NEW POST HOOOORRAY!!
its been...hmmm a month or so but i still dont know how to do this blogging thing. like posting and adding friends and such...lmao 'and such'...ahahahah
Hamilton was awesome, got to spend time with j-mack and eya which is rare now a days but when we do the time not seeing each other doesnt seem that long. But i still dream about the original 4th spare hangin out together...complete. Its so often that whenever we hang out atleast one person is missing. Its fun but i rather have all of us present. I thought that everythings gonna change after highschool, and i was proven wrong time and time again. I hate being wrong. Its gotten better in my opinion. I didnt believe in this friendship lasting but these guys made me believe that it doesnt really matter how far the distance and how long we dont see each other but the dynamic between us will still be there.
Im really thankful to you guys for making my life better...lmao right. But seriously my life would probably be so platonic without you guys that having none is better. We all are so different from one another that it makes me wonder how we all get along. But i think our similarities are much more stronger. Laughing at random stuff that seems inappropriate and juvenile is the best. One look and we bust out laughing, or we just get it. Sometimes i think i can pretty much sense what you guys feel more than my own. We can just be in one room and do nothing and be satisfied. Just thinking about the memories makes me just smile and look forward for some more.
We often joke about being in our 80's and doing food runs and such. But thinking about it, it will prolly happen. No doubt in my mind that its inevitable. IT HOW WE ROLL...betch!
You guys know how i feel and i dont need to publish it. But what the heck...I Lowyou guys
Hamilton was awesome, got to spend time with j-mack and eya which is rare now a days but when we do the time not seeing each other doesnt seem that long. But i still dream about the original 4th spare hangin out together...complete. Its so often that whenever we hang out atleast one person is missing. Its fun but i rather have all of us present. I thought that everythings gonna change after highschool, and i was proven wrong time and time again. I hate being wrong. Its gotten better in my opinion. I didnt believe in this friendship lasting but these guys made me believe that it doesnt really matter how far the distance and how long we dont see each other but the dynamic between us will still be there.
Im really thankful to you guys for making my life better...lmao right. But seriously my life would probably be so platonic without you guys that having none is better. We all are so different from one another that it makes me wonder how we all get along. But i think our similarities are much more stronger. Laughing at random stuff that seems inappropriate and juvenile is the best. One look and we bust out laughing, or we just get it. Sometimes i think i can pretty much sense what you guys feel more than my own. We can just be in one room and do nothing and be satisfied. Just thinking about the memories makes me just smile and look forward for some more.
We often joke about being in our 80's and doing food runs and such. But thinking about it, it will prolly happen. No doubt in my mind that its inevitable. IT HOW WE ROLL...betch!
You guys know how i feel and i dont need to publish it. But what the heck...I Lowyou guys
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Crazy Waiting
It has been crazy full of ups and downs lately. Just starting to be comfortable having a roommate but this will change soon. Never had a roommate before so this situation is new. Another thing this living myself is very new too. So this is gonna be a challenge.
My friend decided to go back home...to his home. Because we started living at the apartment at the same time and im jsut getting comfortable with the idea, its kinda hard to adjust yet again. I m actually happy for him and really supportive but sometimes i get selfish and only think of myself.
It has been a blast while it lasted. We became much closer and im happy that it happened. It has been a roller coaster ride with all the shit we've done but i wouldn't change anything. things happen for a reason, or don't really necessarily need a reason but it just happens. either way i had a blast. lmao
Ill be fine i guess this will teach me how to be by myself for a while. I thinks this is gonna be good learning opportunity for me. I guess im just having a late separation anxiety. lmao in addition too fear of change. Im a mess.
See ya later dude! *knuckle peace*
it has been fun
My friend decided to go back home...to his home. Because we started living at the apartment at the same time and im jsut getting comfortable with the idea, its kinda hard to adjust yet again. I m actually happy for him and really supportive but sometimes i get selfish and only think of myself.
It has been a blast while it lasted. We became much closer and im happy that it happened. It has been a roller coaster ride with all the shit we've done but i wouldn't change anything. things happen for a reason, or don't really necessarily need a reason but it just happens. either way i had a blast. lmao
Ill be fine i guess this will teach me how to be by myself for a while. I thinks this is gonna be good learning opportunity for me. I guess im just having a late separation anxiety. lmao in addition too fear of change. Im a mess.
See ya later dude! *knuckle peace*
it has been fun
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Im Beaten Down
I have so many thoughts in my head, swirling around most of them are jsut questions really.
Im spent, i need help but i dont feel like anyone can help me out. Its just me...alone?
I want to be enthusiastic and positive about everything right now but its not working. Maybe i just need a good cry. Just to let it out and be free of it. Thinking how things could be worst but i cant seem to get that frame of mind. I am weak and i admit it. This is the first step. I need to realize this and stop faking. I am WEAK. whats next...i can be strong...i can be in control.
Failing is not an option for me, but its my doing why im here at this point. A point where everything is up in the air. I wanna be happy but eveyrthing seems unimportant. Moving and having your own freedom seems so small and uninteresting. I need to fix this, i know its fixable and im scared out of my mind.
I need to be positive...
I need to do this
There is no choice...
This is my life...
Im spent, i need help but i dont feel like anyone can help me out. Its just me...alone?
I want to be enthusiastic and positive about everything right now but its not working. Maybe i just need a good cry. Just to let it out and be free of it. Thinking how things could be worst but i cant seem to get that frame of mind. I am weak and i admit it. This is the first step. I need to realize this and stop faking. I am WEAK. whats next...i can be strong...i can be in control.
Failing is not an option for me, but its my doing why im here at this point. A point where everything is up in the air. I wanna be happy but eveyrthing seems unimportant. Moving and having your own freedom seems so small and uninteresting. I need to fix this, i know its fixable and im scared out of my mind.
I need to be positive...
I need to do this
There is no choice...
This is my life...
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Missing Out
Is it just envy or missing out, we have things to do but sometimes we think it is not important. Sometimes we need to decide, make our priorities straight. Today has been all that, thinking about my priorities in life. Its hard when you cant even stand responsibility, how can you set you own path when its impossible for you to think about responsibility.
We try to do everything because of what? envy of others? probably. In my case, yes. I want to do certain things due to envy, "if they can do it? why cant I?" mentality. Is it really challenging yourself or proving to others or to yourself that you can do it too envying their capability. Sometimes the line between being envious and trying new things because you are adventurous blurs.
We have to think of what we are capable not to measure ourselves of what others can, this will lead to being envy of others successes. Comparing ourselves with others measure of success can blind us from our own truth. Our own truth transcends any religion, belief, and skin colour. Your purpose is not because of your religion, race or upbringing. Its up to us to make that happened and to uncover. We cant limit ourselves with what we know and learned. We need to be open for change and listen to the universe. We cant live by other peoples standard because we are limiting ourselves. Posibilities are endless. You ask me whats my truth? my purpose? right now? is to find my purpose.
We try to do everything because of what? envy of others? probably. In my case, yes. I want to do certain things due to envy, "if they can do it? why cant I?" mentality. Is it really challenging yourself or proving to others or to yourself that you can do it too envying their capability. Sometimes the line between being envious and trying new things because you are adventurous blurs.
We have to think of what we are capable not to measure ourselves of what others can, this will lead to being envy of others successes. Comparing ourselves with others measure of success can blind us from our own truth. Our own truth transcends any religion, belief, and skin colour. Your purpose is not because of your religion, race or upbringing. Its up to us to make that happened and to uncover. We cant limit ourselves with what we know and learned. We need to be open for change and listen to the universe. We cant live by other peoples standard because we are limiting ourselves. Posibilities are endless. You ask me whats my truth? my purpose? right now? is to find my purpose.
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